Wasted

Just how long can I hold you in my arms
Before it gets too gay, too obvious,
Too unspokenly true
Like a never ending nightmare of
I want to say I love you,
But you're so many feet away
And my legs are broken,
I still remember feeling too sweaty,
Too warm, too bubbly,
So wasted at the scent of your shirt
The feeling of your knees revealed by your holey jeans
Captured by the effort you put in to me
When I was tracing art, false work
Jealous by every time I had to lie
When strangers told us to just fuck already,
I still remember your smile brighter than an erupting volcano,
A laugh that could give a man diabetes,
How hard it must have been for you to put up with my utter stupidity,
The time someone asked if I had any sexual interest at all,
And I admitted to none,
But the lovey-dovey bubbly feelings in my heart remain,
How even after graduating,
After becoming an adult and knowing you have forgotten
That overtly romantic hug, where I was too sweaty
And held on too long,
How even after graduating,
I still dream of being your dearest love,
Of kissing you unexpectedly,
And watching all those past feelings fall into place,
How I'll never be able to walk this path of love,
Because the only human who ever looked to me like I was the sun,
Will never see the sun again, but the moon
An eternal, beautifully starry sky and bright, milky moon,
And I have disappeared behind it of my own volition,

So maybe, in this life,
No one will look to me like the sun again,
But in the mirror,
my private wasteland
Compiled of make up, pimples, and shaved brows,
I see the most beautiful human in the world,
My own sun, my own light,
And every day could fall to pieces,
I could be rude to you,
And everyone could hate me,
My God, could they hate me,
I could forget how to speak,
Fail to make friends,
But I'll still be beautiful,
They'll all say,
"Your make-up is so beautiful"
And privately, in the mirror,
It's life changing to see the truest form of me
In self love

Truly, truly I love myself,
Eternally, I love my gorgeous face,
My bright eyes,
A blinding smile full of fake teeth,
I'm truly an enigmatic beast,
I love every hair on my body, from my toes
To my underarms, to my facial, to my head
I'm enamored with my entire being,
With my sun,
And maybe you'll never see that sun again,
Maybe it's a sun for me and only me,
And I can't say I like that, or I'm ready to move forward
But in the end, I know
I'll be able to truly look back and say
You filled me with the light,
Made me shine like the sun,
And I miss you, truly I do
But with this light, I promise to you and only you
I will always love the shine of the sun behind the clouds
And if I see you again, ever again
Please remind me to say just two words
Thank you.